Tag Archives: Motivation

Setbacks and Sideways Stars …

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Today I have spent quite a lot of time standing next to the wood stove with my hands on the tin kettle, trying to warm them up enough to type or attempt another cyanotype print. Cold paws are really upsetting when you want to do things with them other than cradle mugs of hot coffee or rest them on the smooth kettle which radiates heat like a warm, bald head. I know I should go outside and brave the icy wind and occasional snow flurry so that I feel warm in contrast on my return… but my outdoor motivator is in Scotland doing winter mountain things and, since I have the house to myself, the plan was to get a lot of work done. Cheerfully, this blog post is about work, vulnerability and failure… because I recently heard someone on the radio say something along the lines of ” Success teaches you nothing, failure is valuable because that is how you learn”.

love owls design by Kim Tillyer

Perhaps it’s something about January and February … all the muses are stubbornly hibernating and those over optimistic resolutions made in the warm flush of New Year seem forgotten, especially in the disturbing dawn of the Trump era. For a long time – as long as I’ve been keeping this blog/journal/thing – I’ve been conflicted about the need to present a jolly, polite, professional public face, so that I might sell work/get a job and pay bills, and the real desire to share the gritty, uncomfortable bits because they are real life, they are the “cracks that let the light in” according to Leonard Cohen. I’ve talked about it before… the fear of over sharing, of being to open, of being the one who doesn’t realise their skirt is tucked in their knickers until they get home from the party. Anyway this week I had the rare treat of spending a lot of time with other artists, in various real life, coffee -and -cake situations. Lots of talking and sharing, encouraging and admitting to hopes and fears as well as comparing the realities of working days and financial concerns lurking behind the forced grin of social media profiles. I also read this wonderful blog by The Pale Rook which I only hesitate to share because it’s so good you’ll probably forget to come back and read my jumbled offerings.

Tree House

Here are some of the things we asked ourselves (in the context of our creative practises) … if you had a million pounds to invest and guaranteed success, what would you choose to do? If you didn’t have to think about selling your work to make a living what kind of work would you make? Is it harder for women to be artists in a single minded way or are we hobbled by some weird domestic guilt that persists even though we can apparently “have it all”? and even the dreaded question “are you an artist?”

Well I didn’t say there were any answers but in having the conversations I reflected on how I feel about where I am at the moment. In a world where there is too much of everything (except peace and kindness) and a bombardment of visual images from all directions, is there room for me and is it important to have a message – are the “decorative arts” just as valid?

from the winter garden

And so to failure… in an upbeat way. Have you ever had a cup of Yogi tea? The teabags all have little words of wisdom on them and the one taped into my planner says “Share your strengths not your weaknesses” (which may contradict everything I just said but never mind this isn’t a dissertation) I’m writing this down so that I don’t forget this lesson … it is strength that takes you back to your work over and over again, despite setbacks and minor disasters; what makes artists weird and superhuman is that they don’t stop, and can’t even if they wanted too. What is visible to the outside world, whether it’s a masterpiece of modern art, a book of poems, a hand thrown pot or a greetings card with a sketchy fox on it, is only the tip of a huge iceberg. Under the surface are a thousand failures, experiments with technique, frustrated walks when the landscape seems to taunt you with your lack of ability to capture what you want to say. Days when the coffee tipped on the drawing board or, for me this week, when a whole batch of prints on fabric washed completely away for no apparent reason leaving me with cracked dry hands and a pile of soggy calico. A whole day’s work crumpled in the sink, a new idea potentially on the scrap heap. I beat myself up and feel like a useless creature, tell myself nobody else is as hopeless, look at other people’s beautiful flawless work and weep…  but the next day I’ll do it all again, solve the problem (a batch of calico with a coating of some sort that reacted with the cyanotype chemicals) and try to take heart from what I know to be true; it takes a kind stubborn courage to keep putting yourself through this. That is why creative people, in all disceplines, are a valuable asset to society, even when they keep odd hours or struggle with tax returns or appear to be constantly barking up the wrong tree …they are the ones who look at life sideways and glimpse the stars you can’t see if you look at them directly.

Jump for Joy Etsy Greetings C

And so, today instead of feeling guilty because I haven’t made a print or finished editing the catalogue for BCTF, or sold the week’s quota of cards on Etsy, I’m going to accept that sitting by the fire on a freezing Sunday in February is perfectly acceptable thing to do.

Reading:-“Swing Time” Zadie Smith ListeningTo: A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett on Radio4.  Inspiring Websites: Two of the artists who I spent time with last week were Penny Hunt and Jane Carlisle Bellerby

 

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Whatever Happened To The Masterplan?

Hard to believe that last Sunday it was snowing. Today I have been looking at the little signs of spring in the garden, planting some shallots and spinach and my gift to myself , three white Dicentra spectabilis plants …the Bleeding Heart plant.I do love this time of year; the first signs of old favorite perennials emerging through the soil, the hamster soft catkins on the willows, the sweet musky scent of the balsams which I breath in from their sticky buds so that the smells stays on my nose. I do not like the fact that there was a wasp in my room this morning, filling me with an irrational fear that goes beyond being stung.

Today I also went to an interview for a waitressing job…..this wasn’t part of the masterplan.

I pondered the protocol; do I write about this at the risk of sounding like a bleeding heart, or do I maintain the myth in order to remain “professional”? Well, I started this blog at college and it while it has evolved over the years I do feel the need to record my experiences honestly, just in case anyone else on a similar path might find it useful. One thing I realised ,just now in fact (!), was that in reality I had no plan post graduation. I’d written essays about becoming a designer/maker or working freelance but never really considered what I would make,how I would sell it and how much of it I’d have to sell to avoid getting the electric cut off and living on lentils. In fact, I think , in hindsight, the weakest part of the whole college experience was the professional practice side which should perhaps have forced us to be a bit harder on ourselves and more realistic.If there are any students still reading this…make a plan, and then a back-up plan!

Hey, its not all doom and gloom. I had a wonderfully enjoyable day at Baron Bizarre’s Vintage Fair where the sun shone and the beautiful people ( quite literally; I don’t think I’ve ever been at an event with quite so many pretty boys and leggy girls!) all came out to marvel at the burlesque dancers while a peacock strutted about on the lawns and I caught up with some old friends ( and hopefully made some new ones). It was especially lovely to have a table next to my very special friend Susie of Drawn by Badgers who had made all the bunting for the event and creates the most gorgeous needle felted animals and precious framed works of art. Susie is an amazing person and I think you should all go and say hello …

So, today I listed a lot of things in my Etsy shop and dashed to the post office with orders to post. These new brooches made with my bird design printed on to cotton have made me keen to do some more digital printing and definitely some new drawing.Tomorrow I have my mentoring meeting with Vicky which I’m really looking forward to and as usual I’m bursting with ideas and dreams…its just figuring out a way to make them real.

Listening to:- Boy & Bear “Lordy May” ( because the battery went on the radio last night at just the wrong moment ) Reading :- The new issue of Selvedge and What Katy Did Next who kindly included my lavender heart in her latest mood board. Thanks Katy x

Welcome Rain

I have been wondering why I seem to be getting less done; neglecting this blog,being absent from Facebook and being very lazy about my Etsy shop. I think it must be the garden and the fact that we just had about a year’s worth of bank holidays in the space of two weeks.Since I last wrote I have had a wonderful birthday, basking in sunshine and being spoilt rotten by my friends and family.Trusty, rusty OldMac was miraculously transformed into shiny, snazzy MacBook Pro by my lovely brother, so really I have no excuse for not writing,photographing and designing more. In fact its vital, I HAVE to drum up some kind of business before winter…

So today with a superhuman ( and very out of character) burst of energy I managed to get a lot of the things done that had been bugging me. The grass got cut,the rhubarb patch was weeded, I baked bread,made a pie, made several necklaces and even hoovered the stairs…all this and I still got a massive lie -in and checked all my favorite places on the internet. Why though? How come today I had energy? Maybe its because the weather changed and for the first time in weeks it rained.

I’m just waiting for the oven to heat up so I can cook the last two necklace designs and then its up the apples and pears for me, a long day at the Walled Garden awaits tomorrow. I’m excited for next weekend when Rupert and I will be staying in a yurt in the Lake District to celebrate his birthday.This means I can test out another birthday present, my  Millican rucksack (with not very heavy things!) and hopefully visit Temporary Measure again. Now I must go, with the promise that I will write more often and try to have some adventures that will keep you rivited.

Reading :”Millican Dalton Biography” MD Entwistle

Listening to : Kate Bush talking about her new album and  rain falling on a parched garden